Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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