Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
