I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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