its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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