I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
