I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
