Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
