theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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