i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
