i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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