You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
