My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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