It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
