I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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