The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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