my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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