She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
