Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
