Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize