We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I checked into jail on foursquare
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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