He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
