he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
