If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
