I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
