Tell her she can't have a vagina
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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