I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
