Say something about gay babies.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
