So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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