So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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