Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
