his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
