I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This baby is an asshole
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize