I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
