I wish I could teleport
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
