he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just found a bag of teeth...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
