Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
