Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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