the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
