Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
