So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
