Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is Oprah even human
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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