the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think my moral compass just broke
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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