My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
