worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
