At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize