i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Randomize
