Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I want a musical about memes.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
