Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
