so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
