i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
