i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
