you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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