My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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