I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
