I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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