normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
