I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
