i just google imaged poop.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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