i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
