I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
