Got a toothbrush?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
