wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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