so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
