I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
