i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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