is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize