cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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