Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
