There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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