There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
