i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm just crazy horny about you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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