I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
